Act V - Act V, Scene XI

[To them] TATTLE and MRS FRAIL.

MRS FRAIL. O sister, the most unlucky accident.

MRS FORE. What's the matter?

TATT. Oh, the two most unfortunate poor creatures in the world we are.

FORE. Bless us! How so?

MRS FRAIL. Ah, Mr Tattle and I, poor Mr Tattle and I are--I can't speak it out.

TATT. Nor I. But poor Mrs Frail and I are -

MRS FRAIL. Married.

MRS FORE. Married! How?

TATT. Suddenly--before we knew where we were--that villain Jeremy, by the help of disguises, tricked us into one another.

FORE. Why, you told me just now you went hence in haste to be married.

ANG. But I believe Mr Tattle meant the favour to me: I thank him.

TATT. I did, as I hope to be saved, madam; my intentions were good. But this is the most cruel thing, to marry one does not know how, nor why, nor wherefore. The devil take me if ever I was so much concerned at anything in my life.

ANG. 'Tis very unhappy, if you don't care for one another.

TATT. The least in the world--that is for my part: I speak for myself. Gad, I never had the least thought of serious kindness.--I never liked anybody less in my life. Poor woman! Gad, I'm sorry for her too, for I have no reason to hate her neither; but I believe I shall lead her a damned sort of a life.

MRS FORE. He's better than no husband at all--though he's a coxcomb. [To FRAIL.]

MRS FRAIL [to her]. Ay, ay, it's well it's no worse.--Nay, for my part I always despised Mr Tattle of all things; nothing but his being my husband could have made me like him less.

TATT. Look you there, I thought as much. Pox on't, I wish we could keep it secret; why, I don't believe any of this company would speak of it.

MRS FRAIL. But, my dear, that's impossible: the parson and that rogue Jeremy will publish it.

TATT. Ay, my dear, so they will, as you say.

ANG. Oh, you'll agree very well in a little time; custom will make it easy to you.

TATT. Easy! Pox on't, I don't believe I shall sleep to-night.

SIR SAMP. Sleep, quotha! No; why, you would not sleep o' your wedding-night? I'm an older fellow than you, and don't mean to sleep.

BEN. Why, there's another match now, as thof a couple of privateers were looking for a prize and should fall foul of one another. I'm sorry for the young man with all my heart. Look you, friend, if I may advise you, when she's going--for that you must expect, I have experience of her--when she's going, let her go. For no matrimony is tough enough to hold her; and if she can't drag her anchor along with her, she'll break her cable, I can tell you that. Who's here? The madman?