Act I - Scene III

Olivia's House.

[Enter Sir Toby Belch and Maria.]

SIR TOBY:
What a plague means my niece, to take the death of
her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy to life.
MARIA:
By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o'
nights: your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to
your ill hours.(5)
SIR TOBY:
Why, let her except, before excepted.
MARIA:
Ay, but you must confine yourself within the
modest limits of order.
SIR TOBY:
Confine? I'll confine myself no finer than I am:
these clothes are good enough to drink in; and so be these(10)
boots too: an they be not, let them hang themselves in
their own straps.
MARIA:
That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my
lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish knight that you
brought in one night here to be her wooer.(15)
SIR TOBY:
Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?
MARIA:
Ay, he.
SIR TOBY:
He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.
MARIA:
What's that to the purpose?
SIR TOBY:
Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.(20)
MARIA:
Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats: he's a
very fool, and a prodigal.
SIR TOBY:
Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' the viol-de-gam-
boys, and speaks three or four languages word for word
without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature.(25)
MARIA:
He hath indeed, almost natural: for besides that he's
a fool, he's a great quarreler; and but that he hath the gift
of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarrelling, 'tis
thought among the prudent he would quickly have the gift
of a grave.(30)
SIR TOBY:
By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors
that say so of him. Who are they?
MARIA:
They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in your
company.
SIR TOBY:
With drinking healths to my niece: I'll drink to her as(35)
long as there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria.
He's a coward and a coystrill that will not drink to my niece
till his brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench!
Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

[Enter Sir Andrew Aguecheek.]

SIR ANDREW:
Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch!(40)
SIR TOBY:
Sweet Sir Andrew!
SIR ANDREW:
Bless you, fair shrew.
MARIA:
And you too, sir.
SIR TOBY:
Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.
SIR ANDREW:
What's that?(45)
SIR TOBY:
My niece's chambermaid.
SIR ANDREW:
Good Mistress Accost, I desire better
acquaintance.
MARIA:
My name is Mary, sir.
SIR ANDREW:
Good Mistress Mary Accost,—(50)
SIR TOBY:
You mistake, knight; ‘accost’ is front her, board her,
woo her, assail her.
SIR ANDREW:
By my troth, I would not undertake her in this
company. Is that the meaning of ‘accost’?
MARIA:
Fare you well, gentlemen.(55)
SIR TOBY:
An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst
never draw sword again.
SIR ANDREW:
An you part so, mistress, I would I might never
draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools
in hand?(60)
MARIA:
Sir, I have not you by the hand.
SIR ANDREW:
Marry, but you shall have; and here's my
hand.
MARIA:
Now, sir, thought is free. I pray you, bring your hand
to the buttery-bar and let it drink.(65)
SIR ANDREW:
Wherefore, sweetheart? what's your metaphor?
MARIA:
It's dry, sir.
SIR ANDREW:
Why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can
keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?(70)
MARIA:
A dry jest, sir.
SIR ANDREW:
Are you full of them?
MARIA:
Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry, now I
let go your hand, I am barren.

[Exit Maria.]

SIR TOBY:
O knight, thou lackest a cup of canary: when did(75)
I see thee so put down?
SIR ANDREW:
Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary
put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit
than a Christian or an ordinary man has; but I am great
eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.(80)
SIR TOBY:
No question.
SIR ANDREW:
An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home
tomorrow, Sir Toby.
SIR TOBY:
Pourquoi, my dear knight?
SIR ANDREW:
What is ‘Pourquoi’? Do or not do? I would I had(85)
bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in fenc-
ing, dancing, and bear-baiting. Oh, had I but followed
the arts!
SIR TOBY:
Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
SIR ANDREW:
Why, would that have mended my hair?(90)
SIR TOBY:
Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by
nature.
SIR ANDREW:
But it becomes me well enough, does't not?
SIR TOBY:
Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope
to see a housewife take thee between her legs and spin(95)
it off.
SIR ANDREW:
Faith, I'll home tomorrow, Sir Toby: your niece
will not be seen; or, if she be, it's four to one she'll none of
me. The Count himself here hard by woos her.
SIR TOBY:
She'll none o' the Count: she'll not match above her(100)
degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard
her swear't. Tut, there's life in't, man.
SIR ANDREW:
I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques and revels
sometimes altogether.(105)
SIR TOBY:
Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?
SIR ANDREW:
As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the
degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old
man.
SIR TOBY:
What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?(110)
SIR ANDREW:
Faith, I can cut a caper.
SIR TOBY:
And I can cut the mutton to't.
SIR ANDREW:
And, I think I have the back-trick simply as strong
as any man in Illyria.
SIR TOBY:
Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have these(115)
gifts a curtain before 'em? are they like to take dust, like
Mistress Mall's picture? why dost thou not go to church
in a galliard and come home in a coranto? My very walk
should be a jig; I would not so much as make water but in
a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide(120)
virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy
leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
SIR ANDREW:
Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in flame-
colour'd stock. Shall we set about some revels?
SIR TOBY:
What shall we do else? were we not born under(125)
Taurus?
SIR ANDREW:
Taurus? that's sides and heart.
SIR TOBY:
No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper; ha!
higher! ha, ha! excellent!
[Exeunt.]


Act I - Scene IV
Act I - Scene II

Footnotes

  1. Identify the type of figure of speech used in the following statement.

    — BOSEOK

  2. This is a borrowing from Italian and refers to a stringed musical instrument that is held upright on the knees or between the legs while being played. It corresponds to today’s cello.

    — Wesley, Owl Eyes Editor

  3. The adjective “prodigal” means that someone is extravagant and recklessly wasteful with property or wealth. Maria is compounding her insult of Aguecheek by saying that he is not only foolish, but also he does not know how to responsibly use his wealth.

    — Wesley, Owl Eyes Editor

  4. Sir Toby and Maria have been teasing Aguecheek throughout this scene. Here, Aguecheek asks about his hair, and Sir Toby responds by saying it “hangs like flax on a distaff,” meaning that it is like flax thread from a spindle (which is not a compliment). Sir Toby then engages in a sexual pun, but Aguecheek does not understand the reference to syphilis (“spin it off”), a disease which causes hair loss, among other far worse things.

    — Wesley, Owl Eyes Editor

  5. This word refers to type of fast-paced, lively dance that is performed in triple time.

    — Wesley, Owl Eyes Editor

  6. A “kickshaw” can refer to something that is dainty or elegant, but unsubstantial or comparatively valueless. In this context, Sir Toby uses it here to ask Aguecheek if he is good at these kinds of “kickshawses,” or “things.”

    — Wesley, Owl Eyes Editor

  7. Aguecheek’s chosen forms of entertainment—bear baiting, dancing, fencing— were considered low forms of pastime. That he engages in these forms of pleasure once again shows an inversion of the social order: he is behaving like a common person even though he is a nobleman.

    — Caitlin, Owl Eyes Staff

  8. “Bear baiting” was a form of Early Modern entertainment in which a bear would be chained in a pit with a group of dogs and they would fight to the death. Bear baiting pits were located outside the walls of London, generally right next to the theaters in which Shakespeare’s plays would be performed.

    — Caitlin, Owl Eyes Staff

  9. Shakespeare wrote Twelfth Night at the same time he wrote Hamlet. Many have drawn parallels between the themes of these two plays despite their drastically different tones and plots. Overlapping themes such as disguise, betrayal, and performance are comically underscored by parallel lines such as this one. The careful reader might notice that “do or not do” sounds a lot like Hamlet’s famous “to be or not to be.”

    — Caitlin, Owl Eyes Staff

  10. Pourquoi means “why” in French. In this time English was not an international language. Latin and French were taught so that nobles could communicate outside the borders of England. In using French, Toby asserts a certain level of education. However, notice that it occurs within a humorous drunken conversation rather than one of substance.

    — Caitlin, Owl Eyes Staff

  11. “Great eater” signifies a gluttony. Aguecheek eats beef excessively, so much so that it causes him to be an “ordinary man.” This comment about his eating habits touches on the theme of dangerous excess in this play.

    — Caitlin, Owl Eyes Staff

  12. This exchange about the word “accost” reveals Aguecheek’s lack of knowledge. Aguecheek does not know the meaning of the word and mistakes it for Maria’s surname. This demonstrated lack of education is another way in which the play reveals a reversal of the social order: as a nobleman Aguecheek should be well educated but he is not.

    — Caitlin, Owl Eyes Staff

  13. “Coystrill” is an archaic spelling of “custrel,” a term used to call someone a worthless or contemptible person. By “he” Toby means anyone who is unwilling to drink to his niece, not Aguecheek

    — Caitlin, Owl Eyes Staff

  14. Though his status as a nobleman should mean that Aguecheek has outstanding qualities, Toby describes him as common and Maria remarks on his foolishness. Aguecheek’s prodigal and ordinary nature upsets the social order: his wealth and status do not distinguish him from the common rabble.

    — Caitlin, Owl Eyes Staff

  15. Sir Toby is introduced as a drunkard and a fool. This characterization contradicts Toby’s social status as a noble “Sir.” Toby seems to openly mock social conventions of dress when he states that his aristocratic clothes are “good enough” for a drunk.

    — Caitlin, Owl Eyes Staff