CYRANO and LE BRET.

CYRANO:

[to LE BRET] Now go ahead and talk. I'll listen now. [He stands at the buffet and places before him first the macaroon.] Dinner! [then the grapes] Dessert! [then the glass of water] Wine! [He seats himself.] So! And now to dine! Oh, I was so hungry, my friend—ravenous! [He eats.] You were saying—?

LE BRET:

You must stop paying heed to these fools! They'll have you ruined! Ask a real friend and he'll tell you the truth about the effects of your arrogant behavior!

CYRANO:

[finishing his macaroon] Enormous!

LE BRET:

The Cardinal—

CYRANO:

[radiant] The Cardinal was there?

LE BRET:

He must have thought it—

CYRANO:

Original, I'm sure!

LE BRET:

But—

CYRANO:

He's an author. It could not have failed to please him that I disrupted another author's play.

LE BRET:

You make too many enemies!

CYRANO:

[eating his grapes] How many do you think I've made tonight?

LE BRET:

Forty, no less, not counting ladies.

CYRANO:

Count them for me!

LE BRET:

Well, Montfleury first, then the burgher, then de Guiche, de Valvert, Baro, the Academy—

CYRANO:

Enough! I am overjoyed!

LE BRET:

But I don't understand your behavior. Why do you live this way? Where will it lead you, in the end?

CYRANO:

I wandered in a maze for many years. I was lost, and there were so many paths to choose. So I took…

LE BRET:

Which?

CYRANO:

I took the simplest path, by far! I decided to be admirable in everything!

LE BRET:

[shrugging his shoulders] So you say. But what is the reason for your hate of Montfleury? Please tell me.

CYRANO:

[rising] That lout! Rude and fat, but still thinks he's a danger to the ladies! While he's up there on stage sputtering out his part, he makes sheep's eyes at their boxes! I've hated him ever since the evening he presumed to raise his eyes to hers. When he did so, it was like seeing a slug crawl across a flower's petals!

LE BRET:

[stupefied] How now? What? Can it be?

CYRANO:

[laughing bitterly] That I should love? [changing his tone, gravely] I love.

LE BRET:

But whom? You've never said!

CYRANO:

Think for a minute! This nose of mine, which pokes out a quarter-mile ahead of me wherever I go, prevents me from being loved by even the poorest and most graceless of ladies. So who would I be in love with, then? The fairest of all ladies, of course. How could it be otherwise?

LE BRET:

The fairest?

CYRANO:

Oh yes, the fairest in the world. The most brilliant, the most refined, the most beautiful, the most golden-haired!

LE BRET:

Who is this lady?

CYRANO:

She is a mortal danger to all men. She is beautiful without knowing it, and possesses charms that she's not even aware of. She is like a trap set by nature—a sweet perfumed rose in whose petals Cupid lurks in ambush! Anyone who has seen her smile has known perfection. She instills grace in every common thing and divinity in every careless gesture. Venus in her shell was never so lovely, and Diana in the forest never so graceful as my Lady when she strides through Paris!

LE BRET:

Yes! Now I know! It's becoming quite clear!

CYRANO:

Yes, quite transparent.

LE BRET:

Your cousin, Madeleine Robin?

CYRANO:

Roxane!

LE BRET:

You love her! Then tell her so! She saw you triumph here this very night!

CYRANO:

Look at me! Look at me and tell me what hope I can have with this vile protuberance! I am under no illusions about it, yet sometimes I am weak. Sometimes in the dim hours of the evening, I enter some fair sweet-smelling garden. With my poor ugly devil of a nose I smell spring's essence. In the silver rays of the moonlight I see some knight with a lady on his arm. And then I think “Oh, how lovely it would be to saunter through such a garden with my lady.” My thoughts soar to ecstasy, but then they suddenly fall—when I see the shadow of my profile on the wall!

LE BRET:

[tenderly] My friend!

CYRANO:

Oh, my friend, at times it is very hard for me, and I cannot help but feel bitter. Sometimes, I feel so ugly and so all alone. Sometimes…

LE BRET:

[taking his hand] You weep?

CYRANO:

No, never! Think how unsuitable this nose is for a tear's path! I will never let the divine beauty of tears be connected to such common ugly grossness. There is nothing more solemn and sublime than a tear. If I were to weep, the grave emotion that a tear represents would turn to laughter and ridicule. And I will never let that happen!

LE BRET:

Don't be sad! What is love but a game of chance?

CYRANO:

[shaking his head] Do I look like a Caesar fit to woo Cleopatra? Or a Tito to win Berenice?

LE BRET:

But you have great courage and wit! Think of the little maid who offered you food and drink just now. She was not repulsed by you at all! You must admit this!

CYRANO:

[impressed] True!

LE BRET:

See, then? And Roxane herself was death-pale as she watched the duel.

CYRANO:

Pale?

LE BRET:

You've already caught her heart and her fancy! Speak to her!

CYRANO:

So that she can mock my face? That's the only thing on earth I fear!

PORTER:

[introducing someone to CYRANO] Sir, someone is asking for you.

CYRANO:

[seeing the DUENNA] My God! It's her duenna!