Act V - Scene viii

Sharper tugging in Heartwell.

SHARP.  Nay, prithee leave railing, and come along with me.  May be she mayn’t be within.  ’Tis but to yond corner-house.

HEART.  Whither?  Whither?  Which corner-house.

SHARP.  Why, there: the two white posts.

HEART.  And who would you visit there, say you?  (O’ons, how my heart aches.)

SHARP.  Pshaw, thou’rt so troublesome and inquisitive.  My, I’ll tell you; ’tis a young creature that Vainlove debauched and has forsaken.  Did you never hear Bellmour chide him about Sylvia?

HEART.  Death, and hell, and marriage!  My wife!  [Aside.]

SHARP.  Why, thou art as musty as a new-married man that had found his wife knowing the first night.

HEART.  Hell, and the Devil!  Does he know it?  But, hold; if he should not, I were a fool to discover it.  I’ll dissemble, and try him.  [Aside.]  Ha, ha, ha.  Why, Tom, is that such an occasion of melancholy?  Is it such an uncommon mischief?

SHARP.  No, faith; I believe not.  Few women but have their year of probation before they are cloistered in the narrow joys of wedlock.  But, prithee, come along with me or I’ll go and have the lady to myself.  B’w’y George.  [Going.]

HEART.  O torture!  How he racks and tears me!  Death!  Shall I own my shame or wittingly let him go and whore my wife?  No, that’s insupportable.  O Sharper!

SHARP.  How now?

HEART.  Oh, I am married.

SHARP.  (Now hold, spleen.)  Married!

HEART.  Certainly, irrecoverably married.

SHARP.  Heaven forbid, man!  How long?

HEART.  Oh, an age, an age!  I have been married these two hours.

SHARP.  My old bachelor married!  That were a jest.  Ha, ha, ha.

HEART.  Death!  D’ye mock me?  Hark ye, if either you esteem my friendship, or your own safety—come not near that house—that corner-house—that hot brothel.  Ask no questions.

SHARP.  Mad, by this light.

     Thus grief still treads upon the heels of pleasure:

     Married in haste, we may repent at leisure.